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| 02 September 2014 |
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| Unfathomable darkness |
| Source : NRK Dagsrevyen |
Transcription in English by Tef Johs (www.lene-marlin.info)
Viggo Johansen (VJ): Lene Marlin, welcome!
Lene Marlin (LM): Many thanks!
VJ: What are you thinking when you see those images?
LM: He-he. It's good one gets older. That's what I'm thinking! That helps!
VJ: You have written an open-hearted and courageous, I'd say, chronicle in Aftenposten today. Why just now?
LM: The time was good now. I've lived with it for a long time, and I've come to realize that this is part of my story, and it's important that it's told. I believe, and I know now, that it could help many.
VJ: Are you relieved now, today?
LM: Yes, I am indeed. You never know what the reactions will be like, but I have to say there's been a few incredible hours.
VJ: How so?
LM: The feedback have been strong. It's been touching, and a lot to take in. You also see how incredibly important it is to talk about it.
VJ: Did you weigh pros and cons a lot before choosing to write?
LM: Yes. Such a chronicle isn't something you write one day, and just puts it out there the following day. It's about living with it for a while, thinking through what you want to say. And getting used to seeing your own story written down in this way.
VJ: Is that difficult?
LM: It can be difficult. Yes, it was difficult for me, too.
VJ: Take us back in time. How did you experience these difficulties?
LM: It took some time before I realized that something which had given me so much pleasure, something which had given me a life, that I know was many people's dream; it took time to understand that the things that gave me so much joy could give me so much sorrow.
VJ: What kind of sorrow?
LM: It started so well, right? He-he. And then it just got to be more and more. The disappointment that I felt about myself because I couldn't make everyone happy, including myself, was a bit heavy to bear.
VJ: But you sold millions of records, earned a lot of money, success, and so on?
LM: It wasn't enough.
VJ: Not enough?
LM: No. I believe that...now, this is my profession, music, but I believe that many experience in their job, at school, in private, that you don't manage it all. Feeling that it's not enough. I'm doing my best, but it's not good enough.
VJ: Who wasn't you good enough for?
LM: Myself, first and foremost. However, clearly, you are influenced by everything around you. What you hear, what you read. There were a lot of voices speaking at once.
VJ: How did these heavy time periods play out for you?
LM: There was this unfathomable darkness where there was no hope to be seen. And it was strange, suddenly sitting there and not knowing when it was to be better, if it could be better some day. In lack of a better word, it was just like hell.
VJ: Were you alone?
LM: No, luckily not. I had a lot of nice people around me, but as they say, you can feel alone in a crowded room. There are feelings and thoughts that are difficult, and even though you'd be talking about it as well, you are alone in it nevertheless.
VJ: Could others understand, you think?
LM: I can't answer that.
VJ: But for you it became so dark that you tried to end your own life?
LM: Yes, it came to that.
VJ: What did you do?
LM: Hmm...it's strange thinking about it now...
VJ: Am I getting too close?
LM: No, absolutely not! I believe that - he he - I've been telling a lot in that chronicle, so nothing is too close now, really. I think it's important talking about it, but getting to the point where you actually can't see hope anywhere, and that life won't be any better - I can't manage this life, I might just as well end it.
VJ: What dominated you when you managed to rise again?
LM: (Sighs) You had to realize that...as I'm writing in the chronicle...as pleasure pass away, so does sorrow and pain. It does indeed pass, it may take a long time, it may hurt a lot, and it may cost a lot, and there are many tears that are to be cried before ending up there, but it is unfathomably good getting there.
VJ: Were you afraid some times?
LM: Yes.
VJ: How so?
LM: Because, not managing your own life, that is something that I never thought I'd reach. So I was afraid. Before I came to the conclusion that I just as well could end it all, I was scared to death.
VJ: Is the depression a part of your personality, or were there external factors involved?
LM: I think...I was indeed happy, myself! He-he. But in total, the demands that I put on myself, and those demands I felt from others, it became too much.
VJ: Many were fond of you?
LM: Yes...
VJ: Did you think of this?
LM: What is strange, even though I knew that many were fond of me, they would get it better if I just end my own life here and now. And this thought, for me today, is totally absurd. To think that I was to die, so that others...
VJ: How do you want to formulate your message to the youth, or to everyone who are struggling?
LM: That it's so incredibly worth it holding on a little bit longer, because it does get better!
VJ: Was this what you held on to, as well?
LM: Yes. And it was delicious, getting older for me has been a great party! Actually. Getting to be 30, that was emotional.
VJ: Yes?
LM: I'm writing in the chronicle that I never though I'd be 30, and now I'm 34. So I'm pretty pleased.
VJ: Do you feel strong now?
LM: Yes. I absolutely do.
VJ: How has this day been?
LM: Overwhelming. There are a lot of stories coming up. And there are many who are struggling out there. And I'm hoping I have been of some help.
VJ: Has this day been a turning point for you as well?
LM: Yes, it has definitely been. Now it's out there, in a way, I have said it. I tried to take my own life. And I'm not ashamed!
VJ: Lene Marlin, thank you for coming!
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